Financial Blues

And in financial blues today
shares in my life plummeted twenty-two cents,
due to record low interest.

My self esteem dropped two points against the Dow Jones,
whilst my libido rose steadily against the Nikkei.

A vote of ‘no confidence’ on behalf of the bored
resulted in a poor forecast for the cumming quarter.
Analysts say that this is due to the fact that
my life did not perform as well as expected in the previous quarter,
a result made worse by the overstating of my Ego, which, when finally floated,
turned out to be worth only a fraction of its stated value.

Meanwhile, Investors in Catholic Guilt pulled out at the last moment.
Heart Brokers reported increased activity in their sector
due in part to the success of the ‘Cold Fusion’ technique
pioneered by a pretty little twenty-four year old
who has since left my firm...

The resulting brokered heart was somewhat temporarily lifted
by a large injection of liquid assets
giving it the shot in the arm that I so badly need.
Unfortunately my brokered heart returned to its original low in mourning trading.

Also, Pride lost sense, falling steadily
and was found floating bloated and unconscious
in a pool of it’s own investment potential.

Privatised parts performed badly
after the injection of liquid assets proved too large,
this looked to result in the loss of a new foreign interest,
however, a spokesperson for this new foreign interest
said this sort of thing happened all the time
and she was confident that with the sight of her stripping down to her assets
prospects would rise, and said parts would once more perform solidly.

Meanwhile, analysts have warned of the Govemment’s plan
to sell off the remainder of my soul.
A spokesperson for the PM’s office said “Please stop calling,”
but when pressed, continued “how did you get this number anyway?”

My subconscious has been subcontracted
and my penis is in the hands of receivers.

One steady performer throughout the quarter was my ‘Attitude Problem’
a true blue-chip-on-my-shoulder stock which has regularly out-performed
most other aspects of my personality.

While as far as my Sanity is concemed The figures are still out
but if the Personal Hygiene Index is anything to go by
prospects aren’t good.

Lungs, liver, bowel, and kidneys were all depreciating steadily in value,
but were expected to survive at least till the end of today’s trading.

Leaves grew five points on trees,
and whilst the Sun rose in early trading,
it fell later, followed by a take-over by The Moon.

I’ve got thirty three years of Daylight Savings
and it won’t even buy me a drink.

And speaking of time, it just lost another four & a half minutes
so goodnight.

Benito Di Fonzo